


Death and Dilemmas (but not the first one)

by GalaxyAqua



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:17:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8168165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyAqua/pseuds/GalaxyAqua
Summary: Mondo requires death. Death and escape from feelings in general. He’s ready. Grim Reaper, take him now. Anything would be better than his mortifying crush on Kiyotaka Ishimaru – anything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> beware of lots of swearing (courtesy of mondo), lots of rage (courtesy of mondo) and lots of gay (courtesy of, you guessed it, mondo)

It would be fucking fantastic if it was okay to be in love with Kiyotaka Ishimaru. It would be great. A fucking ball. They could get married and go home. End of story, happy days.

That’s what Mondo Oowada wants.

He’d take it to his grave, but he’s not even over it yet. He doesn’t think he _can_ get over it. How the hell did he fall in love with the absolute worst match a gang leader could get in the first place? And he’s not being dramatic, he means _absolute worst._

Oh, haha, cliché delinquent-falls-in-love-with-model-student – yes, shut the fuck up, he _knows_! It’s driving him insane how incredibly endearing the guy is, and how incredibly stupid Mondo has to be to fall in love with the teacher’s pet.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru is a _hall monitor,_ a _picture perfect student_ , a _moral compass._ What does that even _mean?_ Mondo should _despise_ his shoe-licking, goody-two-shoes ass.

Okay, to be fair, they had spent the first week of school at each other’s necks (and not in a sexual way, insert regretful sigh and furious punching of wall here)! So why now? Seriously! What was it about that snazzy son of a bitch that he liked? Sincerely, from Mondo, to Mondo: what the fuck?

But anyway. Facts are facts. Life is life. Kiyotaka Ishimaru – Hope’s Peak Academy’s Hall Monitor and Moral Compass – is really fucking cute. And funny. And smart. And dorky and lights up when he talks and has a precious smile and is genuinely interested in what people have to say and will actively research things to understand others better and oh my god he’s so cute. He’s so cute.

Mondo requires death. Death and escape from feelings in general. He’s ready. Grim Reaper, take him now.

And to make matters worse, Ishimaru sees him as his first, and best friend, and it’s so innocent that Mondo can’t help but feel guilty for even thinking of changing that. But he’s thinking it and he’s suffering, and he wonders if he can even survive to the end of the school year at this rate: he’s the first to admit, that out of everyone he knows, Mondo Oowada is the most unsubtle human being to ever grace the entire planet.

Thank you, Mondo Oowada. Kind regards, Mondo Oowada. What a mess.              

So now he’s taken to totally not avoiding Ishimaru, and though it pains him terribly to see the boy disappointed, he’s not ready to face reality any time soon. He’s afraid that one day Ishimaru will ask “how are you?” and Mondo will reply “I’m gay.”

“Kyoudai!” Fuck. There he is. Speak of the devil; the star of his thoughts, the cutest person in all of everything. Time to run. Ishimaru only yells louder, probably assuming (cutie!) that he didn’t hear him the first time. “Kyoudai – Kyoudai, hey! Where are you going?”

“Nowhere!” Mondo shouts over his shoulder, because A fucking plus. Mondo Oowada is nothing if not a professional at coming up with the best excuses. “J-just somewhere not here!” Also, his voice isn’t cracking, it’s just the breeze.

“And where is that somewhere which you intend to go?!”

“Somewhere!” He repeats, as if the answer alone will make Ishimaru stop chasing him.

It, understandably, does not.

“Kyoudai!”

Mondo runs as fast as he can in these billowy pants of his, and dimly registers that he… has no actual reason for running away. Except being a coward, and really bad with emotions? And you know, Mondo Oowada, big and tough with an infamous biker gang under his family name, is not a coward.

(The emotions, he will let slide. He _is_ bad with emotions. He once broke his own hand trying to punch a wall out of rage. No, he is not a moron, he just has a lot of feelings, thank you.)

That… doesn’t quite explain why he starts running faster, though. Thankful that most of his classmates are out doing club activities at this hour like the good students they are, he’s at least partially glad that nobody is here to witness his frantic escape from the hall monitor – despite the fact that Ishimaru doesn’t seem to know what volume control is when it comes to following the rules.

“Kyoudai!” Ishimaru calls again, not a touch out of breath. Damn him and his incredible stamina. Heh. No, shut up inner Mondo, we don’t talk about Ishimaru’s stamina... boy, that is some stamina though. _What the fuck, is he actually catching up?!_

Ishimaru’s voice sounds like it’s right on his heels, and Mondo sprints as fast as his legs can carry him. “Slow down! Don’t run in the hallways!”

“Oh shit, yeah, sorry,” Mondo answers rapidly, slowing to speed-walk down the rest of the hallway, looking like a total tool but listening to Ishimaru anyway like the whipped not-boyfriend he is. He’s really got to work on that. The uh, listening to Ishimaru thing. Not the ‘not-boyfriend’ thing. He’s fine. He’s not gay at all.

(Mm, Mondo, a fucking liar, add that to the list of ‘things that make Mondo bad’.)

“Kyoudai!” Ishimaru chirps, sounding cheered by the fact that Mondo had stopped running in the hallways and is instead skidding around like a mad penguin in balloon pants. If he wasn’t such an adorable little bastard…

“What?!”

“Where is it that you are headed?!”

“I dunno!”

It’s dumb, it’s so dumb, but he just keeps charging ahead. He supposes he’ll have to add _‘running from your crush’_ to the expanding gay agenda, huh? Let’s see… item one: avoid your crush, check. Item two: pretend your crush doesn’t exist, check…

Not surprisingly, it’s only a matter of time until Ishimaru catches up to him, and has a firm grip on his sleeve before he can even think about his next plan of action. He turns with the most casual shrug he can manage, cracking his neck as if he had not intended to lead the chase for so long. Ishimaru’s ruby red eyes stare up at him, curious and wide.

“I caught you!” The hall monitor exclaims, almost like he didn’t believe it himself. He beams, clearly proud of himself.

“So ya did.” Mondo replies curtly. God. Can a human being be _any_ cuter? More importantly, can somebody come by and toss Mondo out the nearest window? ‘Kay, thanks. Much appreciated.

“You don’t have a detention this time,” Ishimaru continues, blowing out a puff of air. “Don’t be so tense!”

“’m not tense.” Mondo mumbles. He is tense.

“This posture is bad for you!” There’s a sudden thump on his back and Ishimaru grins up at him. “You need to straighten up!”

 _Straighten up._ Mondo swallows a laugh. _You’re gonna have to try harder than that._

Completely oblivious to these thoughts, however, Ishimaru starts to recite something about exercises that are beneficial to maintaining top physical condition, and Mondo just kind of stares at his mouth moving. Luckily, or unluckily, Ishimaru just takes that as him being interested in the subject at hand, and grins wider.

Pretending like he’s not dying on the inside, the gang leader interjects with a sharp, “Whatever. Why are you here, anyway?”

“We haven’t spent much time together lately!” Ishimaru notes, unaware that this had been intentional. If he meant to make Mondo feel bad, he’s already done it, and the gang leader scuffs his shoe awkwardly on the tiled floor. Ishimaru tips his head to the side, and chirps, “I was wondering if you were doing okay!”

“’m fine.” Mondo replies nervously, automatically switching to tough guy mode. “You don’t have to check up on me or nothin’. I don’t need your babysitting.”

Ishimaru doesn’t take offense to that, and merely shakes his head. “It’s my duty, not only as your class representative, but as your friend, to ensure that you’re taking good care of yourself! It would be terrible if you fell ill, or got injured, or worse still – suspended!”

Mondo can’t contain a chuckle at that, because _man, what a dork._ He then immediately stops, because he sees Ishimaru stare up at him in awe. “W-what?” He asks, suddenly self-conscious.

“Nothing!” Ishimaru exclaims, quite honestly. “It’s just been a while since I saw you laugh. It caught me off guard. You should do it more often!”

Mondo swears that if he escapes this conversation alive, he will be a changed man.

“I laugh when I wanna laugh,” the gang leader grumbles. “You’re acting like it’s some big deal.”

“It _is_ a big deal!” the hall monitor puts his hands on his hips, looking as if he wants to scold him, but doesn’t quite get that far. Instead, he prattles on with a far too genuine: “I want you to be happy, and to enjoy your life as a student of Hope’s Peak! Is that not a big deal to you?”

“Well, what if I ain’t enjoying my life because of _you_?!”

Ishimaru freezes, mouth falling open in shock. Mondo clamps his hand over his own mouth and hears _oh shit oh shit oh shit_ on an endless repeat in his brain. Well, if he was gonna fuck up, he’s well and truly done it now. He takes a deep breath, and tries to say something – _anything ­_ – but the words won’t come out. He’s so used to pushing people away that he thinks it might just be better off this way.  

He can tell by the way Ishimaru puffs himself up that he’s trying to make sense of Mondo’s words, but his eyebrows are furrowing, and he looks almost on the verge of upset. _Please don’t cry,_ Mondo begs internally, _I hate it when you cry._  

“W-why would you say that?” Ishimaru asks, a great degree quieter than usual. “Am I a bother to you? Do you not consider us friends?”

“Maybe I never wanted to be friends with you!” Mondo snaps, defenses up. He’s well and truly torn between yelling _I stupidly love you, you absolute moron_ and _leave me the hell alone;_ and if that’s not a dilemma, Mondo doesn’t know what is.

Thankfully, or perhaps unthankfully, Ishimaru doesn’t push the subject. He just nods slowly, hesitantly, understandingly, and takes a few cautious steps back.

“I’m,” he starts off confidently, but his voice betrays his hurt. “I’m sorry. For wasting your time. For being a waste of time. Oowada. I won’t be a burden to you anymore.”

 _Oowada_ strikes Mondo like a spear through the chest. Ishimaru hadn’t called him by surname since they were still picking fights with each other and it’s so unfamiliar now that it’s painful. Even more so, when Ishimaru backs away from him uneasily; like he expects some sort of explanation, even if he doesn’t ask explicitly for one. No, that’s not it. It’s almost like he’s expecting … _to be hit._

 _Oh no,_ Mondo says, all in his mind, _oh no, no, no. I’d never hurt you. Don’t look at me like that._

Mondo thinks about it – really thinks about it – and asks himself if he’s really willing to give up all the progress he made (even if it was for them to be best friends forever) over one stupid thing he said. To be frank, Mondo says stupid shit all the time, and this shouldn’t have been any different.

So he acts.

“Wait,” he barks out, startling the hall monitor. Ishimaru looks up at him, expression tight. “Wait, I didn’t mean what I said,” he fumbles. “I didn’t mean it when I said I don’t want to be your friend.”

“Then why did you say it?”

Ishimaru looks unconvinced, and Mondo is moments away from literally punching a hole through the nearest wall. He doesn’t, however, because he promised himself that if he broke anything, he would always try and fix it – and he needs to do that now, before he spends hours stewing in his own self-hatred for driving his friend (best friend) away.

“I fucked – I mean I hecked up. I freaked out. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.”

There is no reply for a good, long moment, so Mondo barrels on, fearing the worst. It’s only words that did this, but Mondo’s never been good with words. He knows.

“I’m an idiot for everythin’ I ever did or said to you. Not just this time, but every other time. And heck, I’ll apologize even for the shit I gave you when we first met; don’t think I ever said sorry for that. Sorry, again, from this idiot, to you.”

Ishimaru’s gaze softens considerably. “You’re not an idiot, kyoudai.”

“I _am_ an idiot,” Mondo protests. ”I always say things without thinking, I always hurt people that are close to me, I always screw everything up. And I’m really fucking – uh, frickin’ – sorry about that.”

Ishimaru looks contemplative, and Mondo thinks he’d be a fool to forgive him so quickly. Not for just this, but for all they’ve been through up until now. To his great and utter surprise, however, he does. His heart really is too big for his body.

“It’s okay.” Ishimaru says with a tentative smile. He pulls himself up, further, with a sudden raise in his shoulders. “It’s okay, really! I didn’t expect you to apologize. But you’re a good person, and I’m glad that we’re friends, if anything! Thank you, kyoudai, sincerely. I’m sorry for turning away so quickly – I shouldn’t have taken that at face value. I should’ve known you better than that.”

“What the fuck, you don’t get to apologize,” Mondo accuses. “You literally did nothin’ but stand there and take it. The only one to blame here is me.”

They stand in silence for a while, just staring stubbornly at each other, before Ishimaru relents, turning his gaze momentarily to the window. Mondo breathes a sigh of relief.

“Though, you know,” Ishimaru commences again, “If there even is any element of truth in what you said – about not being happy because of me – you can tell me, right?” Ishimaru turns back to gaze up at him earnestly. “I’m not the weakling I once was. I can, as you put it, ‘take it’. I didn’t even cry this time! Please don’t lie to me, kyoudai.” He brings a hand to his chest. “Do I annoy you? Am I a nuisance?”

Mondo takes a deep breath, forcing himself not to start yelling like he wants to (he has the sudden urge to just scream “ _NO FUCKING WAY_ ”) and scaring Ishimaru away again. That’s the last thing he wants at the moment.

“Fuck no,” he spits. Good start. “Abso-fucking-lutely not. You’re the greatest, most passionate, most hardworking person I know, and fuck if I’m not a little bit jealous of that. You and your cute ass and your heart of fucking gold – you’ll accomplish things, you’ll change things, make the world better and shit. Me? I’m just some biker who wrecks stuff. If anyone’s the nuisance, it’s me. I’ll say it once and I’ll say it time and time again, yer the one out of both of us that will really make a difference. Being cute is just a bonus, really.”

Ishimaru’s face is red when he finishes talking, and it’s not until Mondo does a quick mental log of what he’s just said that he realizes what slipped out. His own face goes rouge, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut, staying dependent on the chance that Ishimaru will feign ignorance and just plough on as usual.

“I… thank you, Mondo.” He says finally, with a definitive nod of his head. “I really appreciate it, I do.”

“You better,” Mondo answers with a toothy grin. Even if it’s a little thing, the sound of _Mondo_ in place of Oowada or kyoudai, makes him feel all tingly and shit. He can’t even find it in himself to be mad.  

And thus, he thinks everything is all good, before Ishimaru continues with, “But…”

Mondo stands very still.

“… about the way you phrased that…”

“I uh, I’m sorry for not censoring the swearin’?” He tries. He brings his hand up to the back of his neck, raking it nervously through his hair. _Please don’t bring it up,_ Mondo pleads mentally. _I didn’t call you cute or anything, that never happened. Not that you’re not cute. But you didn’t hear it from me, or nothin’._

Ishimaru shakes his head. “No, not that. Though you should most definitely work on that, too.”

“So…?”

“Do you think I’m…” Ishimaru’s blush deepens, but as with always, he is determined to get to the bottom of things. “… cute? That’s not a term I would usually associate with myself, you know.”

Mondo’s lips quirk into an awkward smile, as he tries to dismiss his accidental moment of gay with a spurt of humor. “Well, y-you can start now! Now’s as good a time as any, right?”

“Kyoudai,” he says sternly, all business-like and serious. Mondo sobers up immediately, following his every word. Ishimaru continues, “This may be _absurdly_ out of place for me to ask, and you may _absolutely_ condemn me for doing so as I would deserve it completely, but are you, perhaps, interested in men?”

Mondo snorts, actually snorts, and he’s not even offended, because it sounds like Ishimaru’s simply asking him if he remembers the quadratic formula (he doesn’t), or if he knows what those square bolts on the windows are called (he doesn’t know that, either). He starts laughing.

Ishimaru looks bewildered. “I – did I say something strange?” He asks, looking slightly panicked.  

“Nah,” Mondo wheezes. “It’s just, you were, are ya asking if I’m gay?”

Ishimaru nods very slowly in affirmation.

“Then, yeah.” He answers, feeling strangely liberated. Huh. It came out a lot more casually than it felt.

In all actuality, he’s never admitted it out loud, but he feels like in this moment – here and now – he can trust Ishimaru, and that’s… really fucking weird. Mondo pretends he knows what he’s doing though, and nods like he didn’t just make the biggest acceptance of his life. Mondo Oowada is gay, _and_ out. To Kiyotaka Ishimaru, his long time friend and crush. Congratulations, Mondo, you’ve done it.

“Oh,” Ishimaru breathes. “Um. That’s. Unexpected.”

He snorts again. “Tell me about it.”

“You know, I…” Ishimaru seems to shrink with his words, and Mondo watches him curiously. “Me, too.” He mumbles. “I am. I am …”

“Gay?” Mondo supplies, suddenly very, _very_ alert.

Ishimaru inclines his head, gaze dropping to the floor. Holy shit. Mondo wants to lift him up and scream. In a good way! In a super good way! Holy shit, his crush is _gay_. And _he’s_ gay. They’re both gay. One extra minor detail could make this whole situation go from fantastic, to _really fucking fantastic._

“Kiyotaka,” Mondo begins boldly, and Ishimaru looks up again, eyes watery. Mondo feels his heart just clench, and he wants nothing more than to hug him right now, but contains himself, because skipping ahead may do more damage than he’s willing to risk. One step at a time. “When did ya figure it out?”  

“I…” he fiddles with his fingers. “I don’t want to say.”

Mondo accepts this. He desperately wants to know, but doesn’t want to force it. It makes a whole ton of sense. The model student of the 78th class – the studious high achiever, and potentially the future prime minister, admitting to being gay? That’s already enough to blow the mind of Mondos for several lifetimes, and he will take what he can get.

So ultimately, he decides if he wants anything to happen, he has to make it happen now, and swallows his pride with the one consolation that there is a window big enough for him to jump out of at any moment, if need be. 

“You wanna know how I figured it out?” He asks. "Me bein' gay, I mean." 

Ishimaru murmurs the affirmative – unusually shy in manner.

“I figured it out when I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Mondo says, while at the same time wanting to set himself on fire. The blood rushing to his face is probably the emotional equivalent though, and if he doesn’t faint, he will be eternally grateful. The window escape plan is starting to look very attractive right now. Nevertheless, he goes on, “I figured it out when ya yelled at me way back and I thought you were _a fucking asshole,_ but really, ya just wanted to make sure I was doing swell, and not hurting anybody. Or getting hurt myself.”

“I – ”

“I figured it out when I told ya about my dog, and my brother, and you didn’t laugh at me or call me names or nothin’. When I told ya about my dream – to become a carpenter, to fix what I had broken, and you said ‘if it’s you, then you can surely do it.’ You’re the only one who’s ever said somethin’ like that to me.”

“Mondo, I – ”

“No, just fuckin’ listen for a lil longer. For a long time, I was worried about not gettin’ a girlfriend, since all I did was scare ‘em all away. But every time I yelled at you, ya just yelled straight back at me. I was like, ‘who do you think you are’? And you told me, ‘I’m someone who fuckin’ believes in your shitty face’, that’s who.”

“I did not use that exact phrasing, Mondo – ”

“I figured it out ‘cause just now, if I told ya you made me unhappy, you’d have left, wouldn’t ya? Because you care this much about someone as useless as me, that you’d sacrifice your own happiness, that’s why. I fuckin’ love you, and I’m not going to run away from that like I did before.”

Ishimaru wells up with tears – actual tears this time – threatening to spill from his eyes.

Mondo baulks, mortified that he had rambled his heart out for so damn long, and all it did was make Ishimaru cry. “Aw shit.” He panics, “Too much?”

“No, no, it’s just,” Ishimaru starts to sob, but wipes rapidly at his face with his sleeves. “I, also, I suppose I do _love_ you, to reuse the term, and I thought you had an inkling about it, and would surely hate me, and that’s why you didn’t want to be around me anymore.”

Mondo pauses. Then:

“So we’re both fuckin’ idiots!”

Ishimaru laughs, even though he’s trying his best to reign it in. His tears are still falling, but it’s clear now that he’s not upset at all. “Mondo, you really have to work on that language of yours.”

“Shit, fuck, on a cheesestick, Kiyotaka. I’m a goddamn biker, it’s what we do!”

“What,” Ishimaru huffs, between another sob, grinning behind his hands, “What does that even mean? Don’t throw vulgarities around like that. You’re not making any sense.”

Mondo returns the grin, bashful. “Hey, is it alright for me to say it again? That I love you?”

Ishimaru hides his face in his hands. “You are _such_ an embarrassment, and you should be _ashamed_.” He brings himself out again, however, when he adds, “But… yes, if... if it’s how you truly feel, then I will not stop you.”

“God, fuck, I love you.”

“Mondo! Language!”

“What do ya think,” Mondo, blushing a healthy pink glow, asks suddenly, “of us bein’ together?”

Ishimaru blinks, appearing adorably thoughtful, then replies rather succinctly, “It will be difficult.”

“Are you willin’ to try?”

The hall monitor looks at him, and says, “Other people will not like it.”

“Fuck them,” Mondo answers. “I’m asking _you_.”

“Then,” Ishimaru decides, “Yes. I have no other objections.”

Mondo pulls him in, closer to his chest, and they breathe. Just breathe. “I’m _so_ fuckin’ happy right now, ya don’t even know.”

Ishimaru smiles, returning the embrace. “I believe I have an idea.” He says, squeezing tight.

It really isn't going to be easy, Mondo knows, being in love with Kiyotaka Ishimaru.

But it doesn’t matter. He’s never taken the easy path. It would be fucking fantastic if he could, but when has life ever worked out that way? So come what may; Mondo is ready to fight whatever obstacles they’ll face.

Because being with Kiyotaka is worth every single moment.

And that will not change.

**Author's Note:**

> ishimondo in 2016? it's more likely than you think
> 
> (that being said, I've actually never written ishimondo before this! if you got this far, I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you have a wonderful day!)


End file.
